


Vaseline

by SarcasticSmiler



Series: Chicken AU [3]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Chicken!AU, M/M, i think most of these can be classed as crack to some degree, pun fully intended, with the smut I chickened out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-28 05:50:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7627549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticSmiler/pseuds/SarcasticSmiler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nori and Dwalin haven't seen each other for a week...what did you think would happen?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vaseline

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place several months after the first two fics.

Nori had barely gotten into the kitchen before Dwalin had him shoved up against the fridge, magnets digging into his back and shoulders as Dwalin's tongue delved into his mouth.

“Miss me?” he asked rather breathlessly when they finally broke apart.

“I haven't seen you in a week, what d'you think?” Dwalin growled.

“Well it's not my fault you decided to go off to some big chicken show without me.”

Nori could only laugh as large hands pulled him closer, dragging him into a bristly kiss once more in an attempt to quiet him.

It wasn't long before hands slid from hips and shoulders to start tugging on buttons and zips. Lips parting for the briefest of moments to drag t-shirts over heads.

Nori groaned when thumbs flicked over his nipples, his own fingers twitched with the desire to scratch through the thick, dark hair on Dwalin's surprisingly, and delightfully, soft belly.

“Here?” Dwalin asked, voice gone gravel rough.

Eyes fluttering shut at the scrape of calloused hands dragging over sensitive skin, Nori could only hum his agreement, but it was enough for Dwalin to turn him round and bend him over the counter next to them.

“This is so unsanitary, Dori would have a conniption if he knew,” Nori huffed out a laugh before another groan was pulled from his lips as Dwalin squeezed handfuls of his presented backside.

“Really don’t want t’be thinkin’ about your brother right now,” Dwalin grumbled, reaching over Nori’s bent form for the pot of Vaseline he kept on the counter.

“Oh hell no,” Nori said, opening his eyes just in time to see what Dwalin was grabbing, “I’ve watched you use that on a chicken. You will _not_ be using it on me!”

“This isn’t the chicken’s Vaseline!” Dwalin defended, “This is a different pot!”

“It’s got a feather stuck on the rim!”

“Doesn’t mean I used it on the birds!”

Nori glared at Dwalin over his shoulder, “Use something else, or this isn’t happening at all.”

Grumbling under his breath, Dwalin tossed the pot back on the surface before lifting his fingers to his mouth.

“Spit doesn’t count as something else!” Nori quickly protested, erection flagging considerably at the thought.

“But…”

“No,” shoving himself up from the counter, Nori turned to poke at Dwalin’s chest, “If you want to shove something up your _own_ arse with just spit, then be my guest, but you’re goin’ _nowhere_ near mine unless you have something more suitable and that _wasn’t_ used on a chicken first!”

“Fine,” Dwalin huffed, wrapping his hand around Nori’s thin wrist to tug him to the bedroom and the half empty tube of lube he was fairly sure was still in his bedside cabinet.

Laying on his back, sprawled across the centre of the kingsize bed, Nori closed his eyes and listened to Dwalin muttering to himself as he rummaged through different drawers.

“Got ya, y’little bastard,” he practically crowed when his fingers finally stuck to the tube. Peeling off a few stray cotton stands and pieces of tissue from the tacky surface, he tossed the almost empty tube onto Nori’s stomach.

“Well that’s pleasant,” Nori huffed, gingerly lifting the tube between thumb and forefinger.

“Will that count as ‘something else’?”

“I suppose,” Nori conceded with a long suffering sigh, tossing the tube back to Dwalin.

Grinning, Dwalin crawled onto the bed, knees settling between Nori’s spread legs as he hovered over the smaller man, before lowering himself to his elbows to kiss the expectant look from his face.

Nori hummed appreciatively, wrapping one arm round Dwalin’s neck, while the fingers of the other scratched at his bearded jaw. His back arched in delight when Dwalin finally lowered himself fully, the weight and friction of his body sending sparks of pleasure skittering over Nori’s skin.

It might have only been a week since they’d seen each other, but Nori had missed this.

Missed work roughened hands that slid over his body.

Missed wiry hair rubbing against sensitive nipples.

Missed strong muscles shifting under his hands.

What he didn’t miss, nor expect, was the sharp pain that suddenly appeared in his little toe.

With a yelp Nori pulled away from Dwalin to look at his feet, only to find a black, damp, feathered _thing_ sitting on the rumpled quilt, eyeing up his bare toes.

“ _Seriously_?”

“What?” pushing up onto his hands, Dwalin looked down the bed, brow furrowed in confusion till he saw what the problem was, “Oh, Keeper, I forgot you were in here.”

“You forgot?” Nori asked, turning incredulous eyes back to the man hovering above him, “Oh my god, seriously Dwalin?”

“What? I gave him a bath before you came over, this is the best place to keep him clean and warm while he dries off properly. He’ll be alright where he is, with how damp he still is his balance ain’t great so he won’t move far.”

“Dwalin,” Nori started, tone terrifyingly similar to Dori’s, “I came in here expecting _your_ cock, not your _cock_. Either the bird leaves this room or I do.”

“But…”

“Oh my god! Right, _move_! I’m going!” shoving Dwalin over, Nori rolled from the bed. Grabbing a t-shirt from the folded pile of clothes waiting to be put away, and a clean pair of thick socks, Nori pulled on the items of clothing and stomped into the livingroom to drop down and curl up in the corner of the sofa, while glaring at the blank TV screen.

“Nori?” Dwalin called, almost creeping into the livingroom.

“You owe me tea, Dwalin,” Nori huffed, tugging the baggy t-shirt over his bare knees.

Biting his lip, Dwalin quickly scuttled off to the kitchen, returning as soon as he could with a large, steaming mug of sugary tea.

“I’m sorry,” he rumbled, handing the mug to Nori while kissing a pale, freckled shoulder exposed by the stretched neckline of the shirt. It was an old thing, soft and loose from too many washes. Dwalin couldn’t help the spark of pleasure at seeing Nori wearing it, especially with the oversized, thick socks.

“You’re forgiven, I suppose,” Nori mumbled around the rim of the mug, leaning into Dwalin’s chest, “But if we’re in there to play, then no cocks are allowed but our own, understood.”

“Understood,” Dwalin agreed, nuzzling Nori’s neck as he carefully drew him into his arms.

“You really should put some clothes on,” Nori pointed out, tilting his head slightly for better access, “or else Keeper is either going to be intimidated or he’ll think it’s a worm, and I, for one, will not be explaining that injury when you go to get it treated.”

Dwalin snorted in amusement, face still buried against Nori’s throat, “Maybe in a minute.”

Eyes fluttering shut on a sigh, Nori nodded slightly, “Ok.”

Though what had been leading to a promising afternoon tumble in the sheets had been rather unceremoniously cut short, Nori couldn’t say that he minded what he’d gotten instead, as soft kisses were pressed into his skin, and strong arms held him safe.

It wasn’t a bad alternative at all.

…even when the cock-blocking cock came strutting into the room.

**Author's Note:**

> So I tried to write smut, but, well, I literally chickened out. I'd apologise, but honestly, I'm not sorry as this turned out better than expected.


End file.
